Oh My Dearest, Christopher

I'm so scared. I miss them so much, I'm afraid of my weaknesses becoming unbearable. Mother ask me about them earlier, and I had to hide my face so she wouldn't see my eyes swelling up. What if I never find them, or worse, what if I do and they're already gone? What if they've already left me? Then there will be no choice, and I'm scared of the fact that I already know that. It would be so wonderful though, beyond wonderful, to have them though. I couldn't imagine, not at all. All I know for sure is that I will wait. The day I know their fate is the day mine will be decided. I will wait forever though, no matter what happens, I could never give up on them. They are the reason I exist.