Only in my dreams Christopher-I am never happy anymore. It is so purely annoying, and nothing more. I wonder... how long will it be again? I am not ready, I can tell you that. I haven't even tried lately. It's no use, or at least that's what you're telling me.
I don't know where you get these strange accusations, but I've learned to trust in you with them. You are always right, no questions ask. There is one thing about it that makes it different from the imagined though; the fact that I never realize it when I see it. It is always simply a thought that I have, and I never think anymore about it then I would a normal thought. Its so strange, I would of never imagined it to happen that way, but that's how it is.
God, don't I miss it though! I'm so lonely without it. I mean granted, I have you, but you know what I mean. Actually, it seems you miss it too. It gave me more energy, even if it was directed in the wrong places. I felt alive when I had it.
Today, she actually touched me, and it was so unexpected. It was so wonderful, just the idea of her. Then she touched the witch, and I could sincerely feel a fire in my nerves to kill the witch. After all she has done, to both him and I, she's the last person I need to see her arms around. She has no clue of my feelings though (only green as they may be) therefore I can not blame her. She is only being herself.
Curse this bloody dark hole of mine, I have lost all that is dear. Yet, with all of this, I am still unsure which I would rather harbor.
Is it worth the pain just to have the feeling again?
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