Christopher...

Truth-
She is amazing, all of her. I do love her. Why though, why must I be so screwed over in the head? Why can't I tell anyone that I love her? Why did I scream at her? I never scream at any one that I love. Why did it have to be her I broke to? Why couldn't it of been someone I don't need as much? Why did I have to be so immature? I've lost her forever.
I'm truly dead to her. When she looks at me she sees nothing. Not even a single speck of hate flickers in the back of her mind. It's so horrible. I never though such true agony could exist.
I never would of imagined, even if I had though such a feeling could be real, that I would experience it.

It's so horrible. The way I fall into their thoughts. I am useless, and deserve to burn in hell only because of the people I love. Because of the label that I have. Isn't that horrid, that I finally really believe that? How!?!? Why have I come to believe them with such a passion!? I would never believe that he should deserve such a thing, and yet I have come to believe that I do deserve it. It is unbearable. The thoughts I have that I am so evil, only because of who I am. Only because of what I can't control. Only because of who I love.



I will never tell one living soul.

I will love alone forever.

Only because I am a living fault.

Dreaming, Christopher

Woh, More post then I ever intended to have.

It's almost 1 am, why am I never tired?

Insomniac.

Hip-hop~Lifesaver

I've forgotten what I wanted to say.

Why do I have the strongest urge for wires to be shoved through my skin?!?

There's something moderately wrong with my brain, Christopher. I keep forgetting things.
Are you ever going to advance my knowledge on my abilities? I mean really..
I want a tattoo, but I only want it because I... Well I'm really not sure why I want it.
Ouch
Kabluey

Wouldn't it be wonderful, to have all of my wildest fantasizes come true.
I wonder if any of those dreams will ever come true.
I wish I knew were those drawings were. You know, the ones I drew after I had that dream so that I wouldn't forget the dream. It worked too, I've never forgotten the pictures, therefore I can still remember the dream very well compared to others.
There are a few others though, that had the same nightmare feeling to them, that I did not draw that I still remember very well. The main one I'm thinking of though I had multiple times. So maybe that's why I still remember it so well.

I wonder why I played Dom in that one dream, when I obviously wouldn't in that relationship in real life. Maybe it's a sign, maybe it's just a strange dream.

Why do I never curse?
Fuck

Wonderful dreams,
Elizabeth

PS-I'm so screwed over lately. I love it.

What if, Love?

What if he really is out there right now?
breathing
waiting
thinking
What if I'm everything he's ever wanted?
dreamed of
needed
What if he already loves me, he just doesn't know who I am?
really wants me
kind of needs me
What if I actually do meet him?
see him
touch him
What if I love him?
burn with desire
need his touch
can't live with out him



What if we never find each other?

Forever Mine, Christopher

Only in my dreams Christopher-I am never happy anymore. It is so purely annoying, and nothing more. I wonder... how long will it be again? I am not ready, I can tell you that. I haven't even tried lately. It's no use, or at least that's what you're telling me.
I don't know where you get these strange accusations, but I've learned to trust in you with them. You are always right, no questions ask. There is one thing about it that makes it different from the imagined though; the fact that I never realize it when I see it. It is always simply a thought that I have, and I never think anymore about it then I would a normal thought. Its so strange, I would of never imagined it to happen that way, but that's how it is.

God, don't I miss it though! I'm so lonely without it. I mean granted, I have you, but you know what I mean. Actually, it seems you miss it too. It gave me more energy, even if it was directed in the wrong places. I felt alive when I had it.

Today, she actually touched me, and it was so unexpected. It was so wonderful, just the idea of her. Then she touched the witch, and I could sincerely feel a fire in my nerves to kill the witch. After all she has done, to both him and I, she's the last person I need to see her arms around. She has no clue of my feelings though (only green as they may be) therefore I can not blame her. She is only being herself.
Curse this bloody dark hole of mine, I have lost all that is dear. Yet, with all of this, I am still unsure which I would rather harbor.

Is it worth the pain just to have the feeling again?

My Dearest Love, Christopher James

It has been much too long hasn't it? Yes, indeed. I miss you, you are so silent these days, sleeping inside of me as a moth eating my insides. To you I would guess they are no better than cotton now. As usual though, I am cursed with the blessing of not caring. I suppose that is love isn't it? To watch yourself die in the honor of anothers fulfillment of life. You will always be my greatest love, as you have saved me.

Lately though, I feel more and more like breaking away, and I crindge away from you in saying so. I will not scream at you, I promise. There are so few I would say that to, therefor I will for once take the step of telling you to honor youself. I am your slave of free will. No longer will I hide behind your rein. You know my feelings for you, even if I don't. All I am asking is that you prepair yourself. The time has come for change.

Long live,
Elizabeth

My dearest Christopher,

I have come to see why you wished for me to keep posting even when I though I had you. The truth is that you are your own, and I will never actually have you. Maybe that is why I love you so much, because you are finally your own to me.

Next time,
Elizabeth