And I will never forget your name.

I love you...




More than life itself.





More than all of them.




Enough that I'm okay sitting back and watching you.

Instead of holding you.

Enough that I would jump from a cliff if you told me, without even questioning it.

And the most unique part about this love,





is that I have always felt these things for you.

It's not a short term feeling at all.
It's more real that the air I breath.


I know that you have no idea this blog exist,
but I'm writing this because it needs to be spoken;
written in ink so that it may always be held true.

As it will always lay in my heart and soul.


Until next time, Love...

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Because I can't make you love me...

Then He's holding me, tighter that ever before, but at the same time not too tight. Too tight would make it seem urgent, but we have all the time in the world. The feel of him around me like a blanket in the middle of winter. It's snug, with just the right amount pressure and heat on my skin.

...

Fantasiezing...

The only person that I've ever had tell me they loved me, doesn't want me anymore...

Hold on...
Just hold on a little bit longer...

For the Puppy Howling in the Background

I'm scared. More than I ever have been. The world is going to end. I shouldn't be scared, and in a way I'm not. I'm going to Heaven, I know that, and find an unbelievable and unexplainable comfort in that, but there is also a part of me that is experiencing a pain and fear greater that I would have ever dreamed possible. I'm going to lose you, and him. The two greatest loves of my life, aside from my family and god. You two have meant more that the world to me, especially you, and I can not imagine my life without you beside me.
I'm crying.
I'm going to go to the greatest place any soul could ever go, and you are going to go to the worst. These two facts are beyond horrible, but still somehow there seems to be one worse. I will completely forget you. I won't even remember your name. You're beautiful face, all the tears I shed over you, all the smiles only you could bring to my face. The love only you could have taught me to find and experience. I'll forget you, and you I. As if we never existed.
I'm crying.
I would trade anything to remember you forever, no matter the heat break it would cause me.No matter the pain. To always remember that you served a purpose inside of me. To remember that you changed me in ways that I could not have lived without.

To forget you would be to forget my past, and to forget my past would be to forget the reasons why I am who I am. You did not create me, but you shaped me, molded me into what I am today in so many ways.

No matter what, always remember that I will love you for that.

... Even when you no longer remember my name...

I'm so tired.

You don't care. maybe it's to late to make decisions like she told me, but I really don't think you care. You make me want to break up with you. That's always what I think about by the end of the night. Leaving you, and how nice it really would be.

Maybe it's not just the whole Ronnie thing anymore, maybe it's me really not being enough into you. I think you're kinda nice one moment, but the next think you're so stupid and immature. You're a bad boyfriend. If you really do feel all the things you do you should start showing them, because I'm getting tired of dealing with this and not getting anything back.

You don't even want to touch me. Like I'm a disease or something. I'm not sick....

I just realized that you're making me heartless.
This is not how its suppose to be.

"I Lurve You!"

I HATE running.
With the biggest fucking passion in the world.
No lie.

________

He's okay. I'm not going to break up with him. It's not worth it. I wouldn't be okay with it afterwords. I just needed to chill out for a while. Breath about it all.

Still bugs me
SO MUCH
that he likes him. Can't believe it. He's so OPEN about it all with me.
I don't feel like his girlfriend, I feel like his friend who he uses to vent to.
All he ever vents about is him.
Ronnie
He loves him...
not me...
live with it.
Live in the lie.

________________

I had a lot of fun today. Spending time with them was amazing. And I love my new piercing. I'm so glad they were there for it. It really made all the difference.
____________________

My brother.
So nice to be able to breath the word out
with peace in mind
instead of stress
or lust
or hate
or jealousy
or pain.
Never again will there be pain.
Never.
________________

I feel like he's... god, I can't even say it.
`Cause, I mean, he doesn't even seem physically attracted to me.
Never touches me at all.
Just hugs me goodnight.
Says "lurve you!"

Shut up you beautiful freak.
Just...



be honest with the world...

and maybe even...

yourself.

Can't handle this for too long.
Tell myself that now, but watch me never end this when it should be ended.

Because I never know when to stop.

No Title

I use to be wonderful didn't I
Yeah those were the days
I really wish I could be that for you now
only memories
I'm so sorry